Welcome to Salt Lake Behavioral Health

Hello Again, Here are my adventures at SLBH .

               I got to SLBH at 10:00PM on a Monday night, everyone was already asleep and I was pretty out of it. They gave me my sleeping pills and sent me to bed. The next day I woke up at 7:00AM that’s when they woke us all up and took our vitals. Then we could shower, get dress, and whatever else we had to in the morning, and it was then that I had realized what I had done and I wanted to cry so bad and I also cried so bad. I didn’t want to be here I wanted to go home. I called my mom but she was still asleep, by then it was time to go to breakfast. We lined up at the door a guy told me it cheer up that it was great here that he had been there for 20 days. Which made me cry more I dint want to be there for 20 days (he also promptly left the next day)

               I ate some breakfast but I didn’t really feel like eating anyways. But before breakfast was even over I broke down and had the nurse take me back upstairs. I tried calling my mom again she still wasn’t up so I colored until everyone else came back from breakfast. A girl sat down across from me and told me the rundown of the day. We had breakfast, check in, then group, then art therapy, then lunch, then group, then free time, then group, then dinner, then free time, then bed.

               I was finally able to get a hold of my mom, I told her I wanted to go home. That I was scared and didn’t realized what coming here meant and that I really wanted to just come home. She told me I needed to be there and everything was going to be okay and she would come and see me that night. She would give me clothes and anything else I needed from home that was allowed. Which was good because it was very cold there.

               I swear for the next 3 days I pretty much just cried and colored. And by the mid of day 3 I was feeling better, I wasn’t crying and I was participating and talking with people. And at that time everyone who was there when I came in had left. When my friend finally left on day 3 I thought I was going to break down, I thought I couldn’t get through this without her. But somehow I was getting better, stronger and I was able to make it through even when he was gone.

               When I woke up on the 3^rd day there was a new girl there older then I was what I would consider “adult.” She looked like me when I first got there, scared and confused. I went to talk to her and just like my friend had done for me on my first day I told her the schedule. I would help her get thing, she reminded me a lot of my grandma this sweet lady and I couldn’t no help her. We would talk and color for hours together and soon we became best friends thicker then thieves. We’re still friends now. By now I was feeling like me again. I had made great friends and I was laughing again. My friend Melissa and I had bonded over the fact that we both had such severe endometriosis. She was so sweet she looked like a cartoon character with big caring eyes. She would tell me that she was so sorry but that she loved me so much and I would tell her I loved her too because I did.

               On my 4^th day there I had my family meeting (you needed at least one to leave) and tony broke my heart. He told me that I wouldn’t go until at least Monday. I was absolutely crushed I started just whaling. I was in denial I tried to convince tony to let me go home and he would say “NO! when is the earliest you can go home?” and he would make me say Monday and we did that until I pretty much had stopped crying and was finally coming to terms with not going home yet.

               When my family and fiancé had left I cried to Melissa and my two other friends Sheila and Sam and they hugged me and said sorry to me. They also wouldn’t be leaving until at least Monday either. (Which I found out later was mostly because the people that discharge weren’t there on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.) But at least we had each other to get through the weekend.

               That night we got another girl in our little group. She was a bit off. And most of the time I couldn’t really understand what she was saying. She would ask us all the time if she was going to tell for smoking. I felt bad I think she needed help more help than SLBH could give her. Over the weekend we had a lot of fun and strange events. I went to the gym with Sheila and learned/ tried to do Pilates and I watch Sam lift chairs like weights. We did yoga and drew pictures that represented us. We got to watch inside out (my favorite movie) which was a lot of fun.

               Over the weekend my therapist tony played Uno with us on night. He kept losing over and over again. He said I was cheating because I was sitting next to him stealing all the good cards. Finally he got so upset he threw the cards on the table and huffed. Sam laughed and said “Dude maybe you’re the one that should be in here not us” and we all laughed with him well except tony who glared at Sam and then laughed. It was a great night we had lots of fun.

               Over the weekend we also found out that things with the new girl were a little stranger then we thought. We found out that she hear/ maybe even saw voices. They would do all sorts of weird stuff to her. She would scream when she went to the bathroom but the nurses never did anything about it so maybe they knew something we didn’t. She would say weird stuff to us about babies that came out of the ground and how the voices only liked one of us because they were nice to her. It started to really freak us out. So we needed up telling the nurses because we started to worry about our safety. The nurses said that they would watch her closer for us.

               On Monday I couldn’t wait to get discharged. Right after breakfast I went straight to the nurse’s station to ask if I was leaving. And the nurse said yea you, Melissa… and I stopped him there. I asked if I could tell Melissa that she was leaving that day too. He said yes. And I practically bounced over to Melissa I was so excited to tell her she was leaving with me.

               She was so happy when I told her that she and I would be leaving the same day. Earlier she was so upset thinking, I, Shelia and Sam would be leaving and she would be alone again. She was so sweet when I told her she hugged me and said really? I told her yes and she said “oh I have to go call my son and tell him” I actually got to meet her son as I was leaving. He seemed really sweet.

               I have a lot of good memories from that place. It was scary at first being away from home so long. But it really did help me in the end and sometimes when I get scared anxious mad frustrated or whatever I want to be back at SLBH. Which is weird for me but now it almost seemed comforting being there. But I would much rather being home even when it does get scary being here. I would much rather be out here than in there any day.

Next time I will talk about my second endo surgery and all of the crazy fun that followed that.

Song: I don’t want to be heard I want to be listened to. Does it bother anyone else that someone else has your name? I scream, you scream, we all scream, cuz were terrified. Of what’s around the corner.