Panic! Oh No! Continued

Hello again,

I will pick up kind of where I left off. I had met my soon to be fiancé and after I met him it seemed like I had gotten just a ton more medical problems. I already had generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, Truncus arteriosus and other minor medical problems. But soon after meeting Aaron I got diagnosed with endometriosis and later vulvodynia. My world kid of crumbed I started feeling less like myself and less of a women because of my problems. My anxiety spiked but with my fiancés help I was able to gain s some control over it. I don’t know what I would have done without him

A year later I got a job as a receptionist at a great payroll company and I had made great friends. I had trouble missing work because of my medical problems but I tried very hard to come into work even when it felt impossible to move. Kind of forward to this year (2016). I had been having trouble with my anxiety and depression because my pain was slowly getting worse. So I thought I must need a laparoscopy again for my endometriosis. So I made an appointment with my ob./gyn to schedule for the surgery at the end of January.  But my anxiety almost didn’t let me get to the appointment. and something happened something I haven’t really talked about because I was ashamed. But if I’m ever going to get over it I can’t be ashamed anymore.

On January 17^th I had myself check into a mental facility. When I had tried to get myself in one they said they wouldn’t take me unless I was a danger to myself or others. So I faked suicide. And for those who will say I was just trying to get attention. You’re right! I desperately needed help. I needed attention and I’m not afraid to say that anymore. I took 2 painkillers and had my aunt and cousin take me to the ER. My mom and fiancé ended up staying with me all 12 hours of that long day.

When the social worker came to talk to me she asked me if “I really wanted to count this as a suicide?” because she was willing to just send me home and “sleep it off.” but I told her I needed help that I couldn’t handle my panic disorder anymore and so she sent me to a place called salt lake behavioral health. I was there for a week. And honestly it was the best thing for me. I wouldn’t really want to do it again and nothing really happened to me, they didn’t really do anything to me. But tony the therapist I had there gave me the best advice and it changed my life and it’s the same advice I’ll give to anyone with anxiety.

The thing with anxiety is that you practically have to see the future to not be anxious. So se t a schedule and follow it that way you can kind of see the future. Personally because my anxiety is so bad I practically have to schedule every minute of every day. But it’s better for me and I hate schedules. It’s going to take some time; I haven’t been great at following it yet. The best advice that I can give personally is don’t get as bad as I got, but if you do get the help you need don’t be afraid of what people will say. I wouldn’t change going the SLBH for the world because I me to the most amazing people but it kind of sucks knowing you needed to go to a mental hospital. We shouldn’t be ashamed but until we kick the stigma on mental illness I understand being ashamed because even now I am.

Next time I will talk about my fun week at salt lake behavioral. I hoped that you like my blog if so please follow.

Song: Am I the only one I know waging my wars behind my face and above my throat? Shadows will scream that I’m alone but I know we made it this far. Kid. – twenty one pilots migraine